Being Blindsided

I think one of the hardest things to do is to staying calm, and assess what is really happening when verbal, or emotional energy is being flung your way. In most situations I find that we react instinctively as our own emotions are triggered from being hit without warning in response. Most often we immediately become defensive from being blindsided as there seems to be no time to think, or reason what is truly going on. From this perspective it is only about the other person attacking, and countered with a defense, or another attack. What fallows suit is a dispute that continues to perpetuate the situation whither it involves the other person, or not.

Later when it is over, and there is time to look back on the situation other options seem to make themselves more apparent in responding to the emotional, or verbal attack. This is when we wonder if the whole incident was even worth engaging in battle. What I find intriguing is that if you really take the time to look at what is being flung most of the time it has nothing to do with you at all, or what you are doing.  As I continue to observe others, and even myself I see that emotional triggers seem to go on, and off without the a conscious awareness of what is really happening. In most cases we are caught, or we sweep others up into the emotional baggage that we all carry around with us.

If you are in a situation, and feel that you have been blindsided I suggest that to make a conscious decision to really take a moment to look at what is being thrown your way. As you take the time to pause separating yourself from the emotional response you may find that it has nothing to do with you. You just happen to be in the way when the other person's trigger is going off. In those cases the best way to react is to remove yourself from the situation, and remind yourself that the other person is trying to work it out in their own time. I am not going to tell you that it is easy, but being aware is key in learning patterns that run in ourselves, each other, and in our families. 

Judgement

Judgement, how many times do we run into this, not only with others, but inside ourselves. Judgement can be something that we become aware of when our lives become unbalanced. Often it will come with a fear that we are carrying inside because if there is only love in our hearts there is no room for judgement.

Often we think that others are very judgmental, but if you really get down to the nitty gritty of listening to our own inner being inside ourselves we will find that judgement of the self is so strong. As I have the amazing opportunity in my own life to interact, and visit with others. I am able to reflect on myself . I find that we as human beings beat ourselves up for not being perfect, and if it is not that then there is always something else we can find.

Why do I bring this up you ask? Because the first step to healing is our emotions inside is to be aware of this, and finding the fear, or the lie that we accepted as truth. It is there in that awareness that we can find freedom freeing ourselves from our own inner bondage granting mercy to ourselves, and others.

Taking time to Smell the Roses

True blessings seem to show up in our lives when we are often in a hurry. I know that sometimes when I am fixed on problem, or a project I may miss out on an experience that plays out around me as I have forgotten to take the time to enjoy and saver my own life experience. In those instances I find that if I am aware later that I have the feeling of a loss.

As I was working on a bracelet that I am beading for a gift I ran out of the color of beads that I needed to finish it. I have to admit that I was a little annoyed with myself from earlier that morning as the container spilled rolling under the couch losing most of what I had left to finish. Since it was such a beautiful day, and I was already meeting a friend for lunch I decided to make a quick trip to my favorite bead store in Fort Worth called the "Artful Bead". I was already playing hooky from working on my book so I planned to only stop in for a minute grab the beads, and head back home.

What made me stay longer was not only the cheerful faces of my friends who own, and work there, but the loving atmosphere of the store. Every time I go there I am engaged in such amazing conversations enjoying the whole experience of creativity. As I chatted with one of my friends about an up coming art show a women who was shopping in the store stopped us asking about the show. At first I just blurted out the details not really connecting to the women. As she began to become apart of the conversation enjoying our love for art she began to share. It wasn't until she went out to the car to bring in the earrings that she made that I made a connection that I had met her before as I began to remember her work. I have to say that work speaks volumes of her talent.

As we all continued to visit she invited us to see her in Arlington at an art show this weekend called "Art on the Greene". We found out that she had also taught as a spiritual teacher, and enjoyed expressing herself through her art. She even had written a book, and was now working at different avenues in her life that pulls that all together. In that moment I was aware that by just taking the time to visit I had found someone who I had quite a lot in common with.

 After I left the store with my beads I thought about how lucky I was to have met her as I know that when I am in a hurry I sometimes miss out on the blessings in my life. I guess life is really about taking some time to just enjoy smelling the roses in our lives.  We get in such in a hurry.

Unconditional Love

I remember as a young child playing a game with myself to see how far I could go. I used to start thinking about where I was in the world then would expand my thoughts to the house, the neighborhood, the city, state, country, continent. then the world, universe, solar system, and way out past that...... After awhile I would start to get a headache if I kept going. Somewhere along the way I would get lost in my expanding thought having to stop as it would start to blow my mind. The last part of this game was wondering what was out past all of what I could even think of? Where, and when does it, if ever stop?

Once I had a discussion with one of my dearest friends and the subject of unconditional love came up. In my mind it is a lot like the game I used to play with myself as I see it without limitations. As we began to talk about the subject it came out that maybe we as humans have a hard time understanding what it really means as it can also be mind boggling.

I think that sometimes we can pride ourselves for thinking out of the box only to find that we have traded in the smaller box for a bigger one. The whole idea of limitless is hard to warp our minds around when we try to go there. Somewhere we have to add a boundary or stop so that we can grasp even a hint of the concept of it all. Yet the fact of the matter is that unconditional love has no boundaries, no judgement, no prejudice, or even limitations. It is just what it is.... Unconditional without limits.

As I walked away from my lunch that day I wondered if we as humans would, or even if we could love ourselves, each other, and Source unconditionally?

The Vampire Narcissist & the Martyr

I have been learning about different types of personalities and the one that seems to stand out is the Vampire Narcissist. This is the person who comes into a room demanding other's attention, or as we say holding court when they are present in groups. People in the room have no choice but to give all their attention to that one person as they command the room.

A vampire personality is a person who sucks the energy and life essences out of others. Most people don't know that they are being drained only later when they feel extremely tired after the encounter. The vampire may, or may not be aware that they are draining others. The Narcissist is the personality in the room which finds ways to point the conversations, or looks for any way to bring attention to themselves. They are not known for allowing others in the room to speak nor do they care to hear what others have to say. They are in the own moment which is about them. Now combine the two personalities and you have the Vampire Narcissist.

What I find interesting about this personality is that they are often accompanied by another personality that is codependent in nature which is willing to feed their time and energy to the Vampire Narcissist. You may recognize this personality as the Martyr. The Martyr will always take up for, or fight the battles for the VN. Their whole world is dedicated in some way, or from revolving around the VN. The odd part of this relationship is that the Vampire Narcissist doesn't cherish, or appreciate the extra attention as they already feel entitled to it. This only perpetuates the vicious cycle of this relationship and lord help anyone who stumbles accidentally into this web.

The image that comes to mind is the Bugs Bunny cartoon of the big bulldog and the little dog who is infatuated with his hero. I have to admit that I find this combination of personalities intriguing to watch as I have run up against it many times in my life. Also when I am able to identify this combination I tend to take a wide birth only to watch from a far when it shows up.  Again this is an experience that you want to proceed with extreme caution understanding that what is unfolding in front of you is about their relationship. The trick is not to get caught up in it.

If you want to learn more about these types of personalities then let me recommend Judith Orloff M.D. She has free short videos on her website and books about different personalities that you can identify.

http://www.drjudithorloff.com/free-video.htm

Quote

A quote by Demi Lovato

"Every life has a purpose. Share your story and you may help someone find their own."

The Fear of the Unknown

I have to admit that when I was growing up I didn't like it when all the lights were out. I remember telling my Dad about the way I felt, and he assured me that there was nothing in the dark that wasn't there in the light. Then he would tell me that if I took the time to go, and investigate I would know that the thing that scared me the most was really the unknown. Years later I see that my father was right.

One of the things that I have noticed is when we really don't have knowledge of something, or we only see it from one angle can also crate fear as we don't know what is that's on the other side. This is a lot like being in the dark. The funny thing about fear of the unknown is the thought.  I mean think about it.  If someone asked you what you were afraid of, and you said, "I don't know?" Then really what is there to be afraid of?

I once took a class from a teacher who is a fire walker, and the thing that he expressed about fear is that sometimes the other side of fear is really moving out of our place of being comfortable. Okay, a little fear is good since it may keep us out of trouble, but when we operate our lives out of fear then really what does that accomplish? What is it that we are missing out if we are to afraid to explore our fear, and see if it is really something to be fearful of.