"Reflection of the Self"

Last week I had the chance to sit down and really visit with one of my friends and as we were talking she said something that I thought was profound. She made the statement that, "We talk about abundance but we only allow ourselves to have what we think we deserve. It is because of this that we limit ourselves in what we really want in our lives. "Wait a minute!" I thought as the word "Allow" seemed to come into focus. Suddenly I recognized the word and understood it's influence. I already knew that we can attract things in our lives, that was the easy part. What had not come to me was the thought that we allowed ourselves to have things.

That meant that we limited what was attracted not only by choice but unconsciously by what we thought we deserved. The more I pushed this idea around I could see all it's limitations. While I knew it was true that we can hold ourselves back, even when we really asked for something or wanted something in our lives, I hadn't seen that we really stood on the threshold of not allowing ourselves to have it. Then I remembered a pastor at a sermon saying it was in the Bible to "Ask and you shall receive". I thought about this some more and wondered if we did ask but think we didn't deserve it, then we wondered why it never manifested, at least I did.  

Sure we can say that we want something in our lives but when it comes down to it, I wondered what causes many of us to step aside feeling awkward when we get it. Then the thought of when we do get something we really wanted, how many of us think, "It is too good to be true" wondering when it will end missing out on enjoying the real blessing of the experience of what we asked for. So in that thought process I decided to let it rest until I had an experience that I could draw more information in allowing something to happen in my own life.

That was when I made up my mind to test it. I did a self analysis and asked for a few things in my life that I felt limited on. I didn't have to wait long, as the very next day I got an invitation to something that I really wanted to be a part of. When I got off the phone I noticed that I was nervous and even though it was something that I really wanted to participate in, I was worried with some sort of fear attached.

There it was in my own thoughts that I had allowed myself to think outside of my own limitations and then wanted to pull back, feeling uncomfortable when offered a new experience that I really wanted to do. This made me aware that I had limited my own choices before becoming aware of the limitations that I had set for myself. I also understood as I explored the emotions and energy around being handed what I wanted, that I could very well feel me trying to block the energy in allowing myself to grant it. When I went inside myself for a deeper understanding I found that it all seemed to stem from a fear of stepping out into something completely new and a fear of not being able to hold the space until it all manifested.

After exploring the energy around these thoughts and emotions, I made the choice to release it all by accepting that I was loved unconditionally. This one action was extremely powerful and as I let myself accept the love, a feeling of total freedom and peace flooded in instantly erasing any feelings of fear or regret.  Then a the feeling of complete acceptance that I was the one who had the power to release myself from holding myself back began to register. It was true, we are given the keys to the universe and yet sometimes we don't even realize we have them.