Grace

I am amazed when I am talking to people just how much we don't allow ourselves any room for mistakes which makes it neat that I learned from my children's first grade teacher that it is, "OK to make mistakes because that is how we truly learn."

Wow, a first grade teacher who is explaining that mistakes are normal and to not be ashamed but it actually becomes an opportunity to back up and learn something form it.

So I don't know why but this triggers a discussion I had with my teenage children yesterday as I we were preparing lunch. My son was watching our newest member of the family an eight month old puppy follow and do exactly what our thirteen year old dog did.

His commit was, "Did you know that a monkey will not try something new unless he sees another monkey do it?" My daughter response was," that means that one monkey has to be really brave and different to try something new." His answer is yes, Monkey see, Monkey do."

So where does this bring us, you ask? I think that often we are afraid to explore and try new things because we watch others do while we sit safely aside as life passes by. That way we don't ever have to face a mistake or disappointments in our secure lives. But it is when life throws a "curve ball" that we are really tested to spread our wings and try to fly that life gets truly interesting.

Someday when we look back on our lives are we going to see the amazing things that we accomplished or are we going to see the missed opportunities?

Fire of the Spirit

A Lesson of War

Two weeks ago in one of my dreams, I was shown the book, "The Art of War," so imagine my surprise when I was dropping books off at the library and discovered, on the audio shelf, the CD of this book. Of course I had to check it out and was aware that I was moving in unmarked territory, in a subject that I really had no interest in, so I thought.

As I got into the car I removed the CD's and fed them into my CD player I wondered again why I was listening to this. I often do a lot of driving, and listening to audio books takes the edge off of the long trips. As I listened to the historical history of the Warlords in China, I began to think, why in the world would I check out something so boring? My mind soon began to wonder as I drove but something in the back of my mind said, "just wait".

Out of the five CD's, it wasn't until I got to the middle of the second CD that a story began to catch my attention. It was about an Emperor who wanted to do a little experiment and asked a Warlord If the same tactics to train men could be used to train women. He then gave the Warlord 180 beautiful women to be trained in the art of war. The Warlord agreed as the times were desperate.

The Warlord took the Emperor's two favorite Concubines and made them Commanders. Then he outfitted them all in combat clothes and gave them weapons to fight with. After asking the women if they knew certain things about war and combat, he lined all of them together in rows and placed the two Commanders up front in charge of the group.

Next he went into an explanation of exercises and gave them directions of commands. Once he did this, he shouted out a command to face the north with weapons drawn. The ladies began to giggle and no one turned to that direction of the command. He promptly explained that it was the Commanders who were in charge and it was their duty to explain and make sure that everyone understood the commands.

To cut the story short this same scenario played out for four more times which he promptly announced that since it was the Commander's responsibility to create a harmonious team. He then ordered the two Commander's to be executed. As the Emperor saw this about to take place he sent out a prompt message, not to do this since he would lose the " pleasure of tasting his food" as I quote directly from the book.

But the Warlord responded that the Commanders had taken the office of command and responsibility and ordered the execution in front of the ladies. As the ladies looked on to such a severe display of punishment, two Senior ladies were appointed to be Commanders to take the place of the ones that were executed.

Again the Warlord lined the ladies up and went over the directions and then proceeded to shout out the commands. This time it was perfect. The women turned to the direction and followed commands in perfect unison. The new Commanders picked up on the form of leadership and provided a new order in transformation of the ladies to a well disciplined army of troops.

I sat there in the driveway, in my car, listening to the story, shocked and amazed of what I just heard. Not only was the story appalling to me but it was true. As I turned it over in my mind, I realized why this story, out of many had caught my attention, I realized that the one thing that I could identify was that when we are in the world we must be aware of our own actions and not be seduced by favoritism.

What I did see......... is that we as humans compete to be the favorite as it gives us privileges and pardons. It is because of this, that it creates a lot of fighting and competition among the leaders of organizations which in turn trickled down to the rest. This type of leadership and atmosphere becames unbalanced in the unison and flow of the one goal that we were all trying to achieve. It is then the outcome of competing to be in the inner circle which was not what leadership is all about.

While I don't agree in execution as a form of discipline to achieve this goal in TEAM work. I did see the value in taking the things that I am working on in my life, with my full attention. I am amazed that the warlords who lived thousands of years ago had this knowledge and it can still be applied to the disciplines of the self and leadership of today.

Blessings,
Ana

Notes on an Empath

What is an empath? It is a person who shares great empathy with someone, something, or someplace. To me it is a little like being autistic, as the emotional and energy around people floods the senses of the person taking it all in. It can be quite overwhelming and emotional de stabling to those who are uninformed on what it is.

Being an empath is something that many people share in common and if properly informed and trained they can become very successful in the professional world. A person who uses these skills and knowledge can be quite good at reading others and the situations around them. The business world can be a whole different ball game as these talented individual use their skills. You will also find that they are are highly sought out in high profile jury selections.

Children who are exposed to highly unstable home situations develop this skill as a survival technique. These children learn quickly how to read their environment and people around them to see if it is a safe place for them to be in.

While still there are others who are just born with the door wide open and if they grow up in a family who does not understand what the child is going through, may most likely label them as highly sensitive. Gifted? You got that right, you may be dealing with a very gifted child who has the ability to read others and environments like an open book.

So often children and adults are misdiagnosed who are put on drugs and given therapy that only mask a true talent of their soul. Often these highly skilled people will turn to alcohol, television, and other forms of addiction to mute the fine tuned signals that they are receiving.

Like all gifts it is good to be exposed and trained on how to use these talents by someone who understands and can help explain what is happening. It can be an overwhelming experience if the individual can not separate their true feelings from what they pick up from others and the space around them. When I say space, I mean that energy can be held in an environment where trauma or something that has happened that stirs up the peace.

Think about it, haven't you had the experience of walking into a boardroom or a room where your senses go up and you know something has happened there? Or you may have walked into your home where your parents were fighting and you thought to yourself that something is wrong? Well then multiply that times ten and you know what it is like to be an empath.

We all agree that we are multi sensory but what do we truly know beyond our hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, and touching? What is it about this gift of the senses that we are afraid of?

So often we contribute these behaviors as being someone who is manic depressive, but that can be measured and eliminated on a scale of testing. So that means these highly gifted individuals are often misunderstood because the rest of us are not as developed. It is we who are handicapped, as we can not see into the world past our own five senses.

Blessings,
Ana

In the Mouth of Fire

A new awareness and awakening that is starting to attract a lot of attention, is in the heart of control, where there are symptoms that lead to strong roots of abandonment. It is something I think that we as a society have not really looked at as a virus that spreads like a forest fire through the fertile grounds all around us.

Often you will see it in the fight for control and power. And people who are sensitive are attracted to it like a moth to a flame. There are two main players in this game, the Abandoner and the Abandoned. A person exposed to one will often act out the other and will exhibit traits of both. But they are the key to creating unbalance and major control issues that lead to unhealthy relationships and that come into contact with the two as they fight for power and control.

As spectators, it is almost seems like attending a Gladator game, as the two forces come together as they go into a power play in the fine arts of war and seduction. Cleopatra would only be so proud. For the two players the game is a true battle of life and death and to others is only a display of bad behavior.

What truly miffs me is that we see it displayed on TV as favorite pass time games that we root for our favorite fighters as if it was something to be proud of. Our thirst for blood only dictates and encourages the fight as we enjoy watching the behavior, redeeming the winner as a strong spirited individual. And yet in reality when we are in the center of the battle we will often run for cover or chose sides hoping that our choice in a hero will be the winner as to share in the spoils of war.

I was amazed that even though we as a society teach our children not to be caught up in these events that we as adults participate and encourage this pattern of ill behavior. You see it everywhere and is considered to be "just the way people are". "Accept it and move on," as I was told by Coworker, where I worked. People are people.....

But in my search for the root of the cause of this behavior, I have discovered that Abandonment can play a big part in creating these unhealthy environments. It is something that most of us live with and may not even be aware that it exists. It is out of our patterns of brokenness that these behaviors show up and destroy lives and all those who showed up for battle.

You may often hear the phrase that "history often repeats its self". Well get out he history books and lets start looking up some of the symptoms. You may think that it was only in the past when you had to sleep with a loaded gun under your pillow but honey tread lightly when you walk into a room and turn on a light.

One of the books that I recommend is "The Journey of Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson if you are looking for material to read to help shed light on the situation.

I will talk more about it in later insights but just wanted to bring to the table how we dress up our most wounded in armor and set them up for the battle field. Nothing has changed in the past thousands of years and it is time to stop this insanity and reach out to each other. After all we are all the creations and children of something much more greater then ourselves.

Peace,
Ana

Retrieval of the Soul

The first time I mentioned Soul Retrieval to my Pastor, who was my boss at the time, who I thought I did a good job of trying very hard to compose himself as we walked down the hall that connected our offices as I poured out my heart. I was far to ignorant to give him a full explanation at the time but felt that I had been called in that direction. He was really big on being called by the Spirit but I am afraid that what I had just blurted out as a full confession was far too much for him at the time.

I had been guided and studying healing with the intention of finding a solution that not only brought spirituality back into the church but also allowed people to reconnect with themselves and the Holy Spirit. As I talked to people I became aware that we as human beings. Are often too busy to explore our spirituality and find ourselves becoming stuck when we are facing some of the realities in our own lives. I found myself guilty as charged.....

I am not saying that everyone is in this state but a good amount of us are which results in bad relationships, sickness,and sadness as we move through trying to figure out what went wrong. It was when I was given the assignment to go ahead a look for a solution that I came across Soul Retrieval. It was unfortunate for my Pastor to not know that I had been exposed to the "Warriors Way" of healing as a small child by my father when I started to search.

It was something that I had tucked away as insignificant knowledge in my mind as the teachings of someone who knew nothing of the true world. Little did I know that my journey would bring me back home and what I had learned those many years ago as I sat around the fires in the tepee during the summers and listened to my father's stories.

They were just stories to pass the time as I told myself. So why now thirty years later were people teaching the old way of healing? Why was it when I was searching myself for relief of painful relationships was I attracted to what I thought was just the imagination going wild. You see my dilemm.

But determination to find the answer was my influence and I continued on with my path. It lead me to an experience that changed my life and showed me once again that maybe my father had not been a certified nut case after all. All of his teaching had suddenly became a realization that maybe there was truth to what I was experiencing with my own spiritual experiences.

Funny, how we run away from who we really are and if we stopped and just listened, life would be so much in tune to what we were crated for. As I listened to our teacher I realized that all soul retrieval was about was finding the pieces that we lost when we give away our own personal power or taken by someone else. It was very logical and made since to my left brain that tends to sort and organize. This was what my father had taught years ago.

Soul retrieval is about post traumatic stress disorder and teaches in finding the way to retrieve the parts that were lost in a major trauma. This of course could be in a server accident, abuse, loss, abandonment, war, violence, operation, relationship or other trauma where the soul detaches itself from the body and goes to a safe place. Only apart of the soul may not return because it does not realize that the trauma is over. The person experiences not feeling complete and a loss of self. Often they will revisit the trauma over and over in their mind trying to fix it or find the piece that they are missing.

Soul retrieval is an ancient way of relocating the piece of the soul that was lost and returning it to the person who lost it. It also involves working with the person and helping them work with and through the memories of the trauma. It is considered very serious work and takes major training.

As I moved through the training and learning experience I realized that the new and the old were really the same only one was excepted in our society and the other was feared. The ancients were not really far off when they were working with healing and bringing the soul, body and mind together in balance.

To be honest it was an amazing experience. I wish I had gotten the chance to tell my dad that what he taught long ago was not bogus but something that really changes lives and heals. But for some reason I understand that he already knows as he crossed over to the other side this last Sunday.

Ana

Spirit Walking

Spirit Walking, something I learned from my father who just recently passed away when I was very young and only now have come full circle back to the roots of my past. What is Spirit Walking, you ask? Why it is when you are aware of the completeness of your own being.

Years ago as a very young girl, I walked away from the teachings of my father as I decided to go and fit in with the rest of the world. As I left my past behind to go to the university and discover what life was all about, I began to forget all the teachings that I was once held so closely in my heart.

I am not saying that this was a bad experience as I learned to become apart of the world and started a family which is a huge blessing in my life. But somewhere deep inside me there was a dark hole as though a piece was missing that always seemed to haunt me as I searched for the truth and the meaning of my life.

I tried the depths of organized religion but only found the politics and the painful side of human nature in myself and others as we tried to fit God very neatly in a tight little box. There wasn't enough room for God much less his son or spirit to even close the lid. But through the whole process I began to ever so slightly see a glimpses of the other side and as I did teachers began to show up in my life reminding me of what was once recorded in my heart.

As I am learning and having more experiences, I find that reconnecting with our Creator and who we are in spirit is something that can truly be defined. A few times when I was working at the church I became aware of having this amazing tingling sensation that moved all through me and it was later that a teacher described the sensation of being able to feel the spirit that lives inside. I remember laughing and saying you sound like my crazy dad.

But the experiences wouldn't stop and it would happen spontaneously as I was working in the kitchen or putting together fellowship events where the whole congregation would gather in celebration. The funny part is that if I stood still I felt like I would fall asleep as the warmth and sensation would move like a Swedish massage inside and outside my entire body.

The Pastor of our church at the time, used to ask me why I kept moving and what I was running from by staying so active. He had no idea what I was running form and how do you explain to someone you are having a spiritual experience when you don't even realize you are having one? It was later when I became the Healing Director, as I know that God truly has a since of humor that I began to slow down and search for the unrest inside myself.

My excuses of being busy and politics tried to keep me from coming full circle to where I started from, my past. Sometimes I think that we have the answers all along but refuse or reject them as we are afraid to grow through our own experiences. This is where true intervention comes in.

Only recently with the help of the Holy Spirit am I able to go into meditation and call on my spirit that lives inside me and feel myself as true spirit. The sensation of tingling and lightness moves again through me as my brain seems to be able to register the difference between body and soul. I am now conscious of the coexistence of both, separate but the same as it inhabits the same space I call myself.

You might think this is the best kept secret of our times but we are all capable of doing this and feeling this once we recognize ourselves as true spirit beings in a human body. We are spirit walking when we sleep, you are just not aware of it.

When you think about it in the terms of dieing, it is really about returning to what we already know and where we came from when we move back to the arms of our Creator and that is in the form of our true selves.

Blessings,
Ana

Cosmic Cowboy

On Sunday February 15th I got a phone call from my Mother that my father A. Kelly Pruitt had passed away early that morning at 5am. He was buried in a private cematary on a good friend's ranch a few hours later wrapped in his bedroll. She said that he had passed away quietly with a friend holding his hand as he slipped from this life on to the next.

It was later when we called my dad's friend and asked what had happened what had happened that he told us the story. He said that my dad had suffered from a heart attack ten days before while he was out shoeing a horse on the ranch in Persideo Texas. He had laid there until he was found in the horse correll when on of his fiends came out to check on him. His dogs were laying on him.

Word for Word

The day before Valentine's day I sent an email to my Mom. I had misspelled the heading and since I am dyslexic that was something in my normal range of writing. It was fortunate for me that she had come over to visit and had brought her laptop so when she opened the email she asked about it. The word Site had been changed to Stie.

I had to look at it and realized that it was a dyslexic thing and we started to laugh. This started me to thinking as I had been reading about how all the old text were copied by hand before the printing press was invented and that most of the oldest text copies could be subject to manual error. This could be form a mistake of the hand or misinterpretation since a lot of the oldest books were from Europe and were translated to meet the audience of that time.

I had also learned that and it makes since that most of the world, only a few hundred years ago were illiterate. Education and reading were not as it is today in our everyday existence. Because of my own dyslexia I got an Education degree in reading to help me understand it.

What really fascinates me is that we take things for granted that our books are copied exactly the same so in mass production if there is an error in th copy then it is in millions of copies. Everyone gets the same copy "word for word". You can go to one book store and read the same book over and over without skipping a beat.

But what about the older text that were translated by a town scribe that did not have a college education or a degree in Language? Yes, there were educated monks but what about how the text could be changed by the translation of one language to another. What happens if someone who is translating an ancient text and has their own insight of something and changes the words ever so slightly to meet the meaning of the person copying the text?

An example would be like, when I attended a sermon as the quote form Jesus was used,"that you should render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's and render unto God that which is God's. This was followed by that we should be tithing to the church. Maybe that is what it is supposed to be but my take is that Caesar's things are of this earth and God's is of the spirit. My own belief and personal feelings seem to step in the way of what I was being told. So my own judgment stands in the way of translation.......

This makes me wonder that the things that we take for granted are not the things that the old world could take for granted and yet we fight over old text and differences. We all seem to agree that man is quite capable of being imperfect. So by taking a text word for word that has been copied for thousands of years are we not saying that man is infallible and that perfection is achieved?

As a dyslexic I see how a single word can change a single meaning. Just imagining if a massager was to take a message to a fellow kingdom form a dyslexic scribe....

Just something to think about.....

Ana

The Poisoned Apple

How many of us grew up seeing "Snow White" ? Then the concept of the old witch giving the princess a poisoned apple is not new. I remembered when I was was 6 years old and saw the movie I cried because I thought that the young princess died.

Of course it was later in the movie when we see she is placed in a glass coffin that we realize that death did not come to her, only sleep. We see to that what awaits is the handsome prince and the whole kingdom is happy.

It seems that last week and especially this weekend I have been on a journey and it was discovering what lies inside myself. I have discovered by meeting and talking to others that we each have a sleeping soul inside ourselves that is waiting to be awakened to discovering that we are far more than flesh and bone.

I find too, that we each carry apart of ourselves offering us a poisoned apple that contaminates our personal freedom by sabotaging our emotions and our lives. Many of us know this by the name of the ego. Yes, the ego is the apple that we all seem to bite into and find that it hurts not only us but the people around us.

The more that we are aware of this, then we will find that our past has conditioned us to believe that when we are in fear we become defensive. Doesn't sound so bad but when we add two and two together you find that mostly this means other emotions are added to the whole equation. Sound complected? It is and I am sure you have heard of the term of "peeling an onion". Which means that there are layers and layers that need to be opened and dragged into the light.

The poisoned apple theory can go as far as poisoning an ear. Our intentions may be good as to warn others not to get stuck in someone's else's mess but if our own issues are not taken care of, then we may do our own projection or even unload some of our personal baggage. This will only inflame the situation or cause damage to another.

Of course this does not promote healing for us or the situation that may need to be handled in a loving way. And the emotions of anger or guilt will follow which only add to the mind dialog that can be an emotional trauma to ourselves, kind of like salt poured into an open wound.

Therefor, it is important for us to take some time out to heal and reevaluate where we are and how our own past might infect a situation or relationship. It is a good time to look within, bringing care to those places that were hurt. Self care is so important and we wonder why we are so prone to diseases and emotional trauma in our lives.

We don't give ourselves time to heal. We don't balance our bodies, mind and souls along with emotions. So our fears only becomes transfered to others without us even realizing that we are in pain. Taking the time off to do some personal care, reading a book on healing, going to a class, talking to someone who is trained in healing, doing body work, studying emotional art, taking a walk in nature, and learning about energy of the soul are all part of self discovery and healing.

Last week and weekend some amazing people came into my life and touched my heart in so many ways in their walk in helping and healing others. They have the ability to hold individuals up and seek only the highest good for those around them. The apples they offered were pure gold, as I could see into their hearts and feel the healing energy around them.

I found myself just wanting to be in their presences and was grateful for the time I had with them. I think that by dealing with our past we can then remember to reawaken our own beauty within ourselves as we share with others.

Namaste,
Ana

The Inner World

Often we will find that we have so much going on in our lives that we don't realize that we need to take some time and check in with our inner being. This means connect with our souls and with the Creator. We spend so much time worrying about things that can only cause stress and hardship on our poor minds and bodies.

No wonder we feel like we are warn out over stressed and tired. Something to remember to is that our bodies, mind and souls are very much connected.

Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness is something that we all have in common. Something that we all feel in the energy around and above us and yet as we pick it up on others we find that we have it in ourselves.

One of the things that I am learning is that we express our emotions often without our awareness and as others pick it up and we realize what is occurring. Once we notice it, it can be hard to bring that form of energy back into our energy field. This means that people are reading our emotional feelings and we feel exposed like an open book.

The part that we need to be OK with is that we are human beings and as such it is OK to have emotions. Also we need to know that others have the same experiences and understanding of this. With this in mind we need to allow ourselves to feel, instead of blocking off our feelings so that we don't explode later and maybe hurt the ones we most care about.

Let the emotion come but be aware of it and as you let yourself feel its energy allow your mind to analysis why this has popped up and know that often this is not bad. It is just your body warning you that you need to take time out and see what is out of balance. Often after going through your personal check list you can discover the source and what was in your personal history that has bought this emotion on.

When you discover this then you have the key to releasing that emotion and freeing yourself of ... I call it self abuse. We all do it and most of the time we are not aware that we are the ones creating chaos in our own lives. Again the way we were created

Healing in the Workplace

One of the things that we all might have run into is dysfunctional behavior in the workplace. If you have ever experienced this then you know how it affects your life at home and the people you hold dear to you. It is unfortunate that we can't leave work at work and home at home.

If this is something you are dealing with, then don't think you are alone. One of my teachers says that most people have a pink elephant in the room and everyone pretends that it is not there. Of course this only adds to the dysfunction of the office environment. If any of you have watched the show on TV "Office" and related to it then you know what I am talking about.

Alright here is the deal.... Why not change it so that we are no longer creating chaos and pain as it trickles down to others who are affected in our homes and families?

I believe that we first have to stop pointing fingers at each other and realize that maybe we are part of the problem. I think if we can do that then there is a chance to heal.

Next it needs to be brought to the attention of others. This maybe hard since people are often in fear of being back stabbed or hurt. That means it may be time to bring in professionals who can work with the staff as a whole or on a single basis. By doing this you will have a better chance of pinpointing the problems creating certain situation.

It is important to know that each individual has their own personal baggage form their past which will influence the way that they perceive things. This might mean that personal counseling might need to be added to the intervention of the whole office. Along with having compassion for those who are hurting.

After this is done then the Office and support Staffs need to be retrained in healthy ways to deal with situations and issues that might arise. Often the dysfunction is due to not being properly trained this area. Proper training and boundaries can help solve so many of the problems that contaminate the office and staff environments.

Of course that also means that management needs to be retrained in dealing with all the situations that will occur and have a list of recommendations of how to hold the office staff accountable for their actions. Many times poor management will encourage bad behaviors due to not being strong in upholding the boundaries and regulations of the workplace.

Last is holding each other accountable with compassion that each individual has a right to feel safe and a right to be heard will create a more healthy way of solving problems for the future and will not be carried home to the ones we love.

Ana

Spirit Filled

I am writing this as an Ah Ha moment. You know when the light turns on and someone is home. Well, I was able to have one of those special moments as I was working on some things at home.

I am not going to tell you that I thought of it all on my own as to it being inspired by a book along with my own experiences that put a mystery together that I have been trying to crack for years. It is about those who are what we call Spirit Filled.

Just to clear things up we are all capable of this because it is our birth right as human beings to be in contact and communication with God. But often we go to others seeking advise and guidance for this, like for example, our Religious leaders, Spiritual leaders, Teachers, Gurus and others........

I also learned that we or the person we are following can be spirit filled when the message is being delivered. There seems to be a deep understanding with our souls that the message is pure.

Now here is the problem........ You have to look at the individual or yourself because after the message is delivered, the person goes right back to being who they were before the message was delivered. That means that any personal baggage or controlling issues then that wont change until the person who is channeling the Holy Spirit gets help or starts to work on themselves.

Which means that the vessel or channel need to be as clean as possible so that there is no contamination and infection that is transferred. It is like drinking cool mountain spring water out of a dirty cup.

No I am not saying that a person needs to be perfect to be Spirit Filled but needs to be working on their past issues that can cause harm to others. If you look at past history with spiritual leaders

The Presence

When I turned 18 my mom and step dad had saved up all their pennies to take our family on a week vacation to Jamaica for the summer. Not only were we going but they saved enough for my little sister and I to each take a friend.

I can't tell you how much fun we had as my parents seemed to spare no expense. As we enjoyed a week of exploring the island and running around, I thought to myself that for some reason I was supposed to be here.

This brought me back to a memory of when I was nine and our music teacher taught us a song in school called "Mary Ann". She told us about Jamaica and how the song was created. At the time I remember thinking, someday I am going to Jamaica. I had no doubt that I wouldn't go, so when my parents announced that we were going I knew some place in my heart that was where I was supposed to be.

Needless to say that we had a wonderful time on our vacation and like all trips ours came to an end. As we were sitting on the plane waiting to take off, my friend had fallen asleep, so I had some time to myself to look around the cabin since we were scattered all over the flight.

It was in that moment that I felt afraid of the plane taking off. It was a panic and fear that seemed to wash over me. The only way I could describe this feeling is the metaphor of jumping into a swimming pool in the middle of winter. It was the shock of this icy cold feeling moving through me that literally froze my bones down to my inner core.

Then as quickly as the fear took a hold of me. I felt a presence that I could not see bush across my body and as it did, the fear started to be replaced with this feeling of warmth. Then a knowing came to me, that everything was going to be alright. At that moment the plane started to taxi down the runway and as it lifted into the air I was in a mental and physical bliss. The peace that washed through me only added to my since of knowing that when it was my time to leave this old earth that this was what it would feel like.

The only reason I bring this experience back up is because last October I flew to LA to visit my little sister and her family. I was in a hurry and so my dear husband made the seating arrangements that was by the window. As I was sitting on the plane waiting for it to taxi, my hand for some reason hit the side of the plane and the whole side seemed to move, which seemed to me like it was caving in where the window was.

Yes, I immediately became panicked since flying is not my favorite way of getting around. The fear that started to move through me was almost the same that I experienced on the trip form Jamaica. Only this time it was stopped in mid stream. Again a flood of peace moved over the fear and washed it out along with a knowing that it was not my time.

This stayed with me through the middle of the flight until I hit the side of the plane again which started the whole process over. I guess the older I get, it is harder to convince me that things are going to be OK.

When I finely got to LA my sister asked me how my flight went and as I started to tell her about my experince, she quickly shut me down. My brother in law feels the same way I do about flying and his job takes him on lots of trips. And how do you tell about this experience without telling the whole thing?

All I know is that for a few times in my life, I have felt like I was cradled in the hands of our Creator and for a brief time in my life there was NO doubt that He exists.

Ana

The Warrior Within

Spiritual knowledge I found seems to be knowing the true warrior within. It is learning all about the self and finding the weakness with out curshing the soul.

Divine Intervention

In the Spring of 2008, I woke up one morning and yes, it was after I broke my rose colored glasses. I found myself in a state of half sleep and half awake. I have learned since then, that this state has a name called, "twilight". As I was laying there on my bed I started to scan the room and noticed to that my husband was still sound asleep.

It was then, that I also noticed that there were two extremely tall figures standing on my side of the bed. I guess you might think that I would panic only they were emanating this beautiful light. As far as I could tell they were not made of solid mass. As I laid there watching them, one of them handed a picture frame to me and said, "look at this". Instantly I recognized the voice that I had heard through out my life and so I took it in my hands and looked.

At first the picture in the frame was empty. Then as I looked, I saw myself working in the church and running around being very busy. One of them pointed to the picture and I heard "See this?" "This is not what it is about".
Instantly the frame went blank.

Next, I saw myself again in the frame only this time I was at the University where I was taking a jewelry class. I was busy working on my newest project and seemed very happy. Again, I heard, "See this?" "This is not what it is about".

About what? I remember thinking.... What are they talking about? Then the picture went blank and started up once more showing me myself, only this time I was at home cleaning and working around the house doing housewife things.
The voice said, "See this?" This is not what it is about."

Then they took the frame away from me..... It was then that I heard another voice that didn't seem to belong to the other two and it said, "Ana, Come with me and let me show you what it is all about." OK, that was it!.......Fear had griped me and I said, "NO"! there was a pause and I heard, "Ana, let go of these things for this is not what it is all about."

"NO!" "I said to them, I will not go with you and I am perfectlly happy where I am and what I am doing!" "Let me be!" The voice that I knew said, "She is not ready." And I heard the voice form the one that I couldn't see say, "Get her ready." Ready? Ready for what? I was thinking as the two beings seemed to fade form my sight.

I turned immediately over and woke up my husband giving him a full account of what just happened. I told him they wanted to get me ready, but for what???? My mind started to race and I thought, Oh no, I am going to die. Oh, they want us to move far away. We are all going to die???? What is going on? Steve spent a few hours calming me down and I finely was able to move past it a little to get on with my day and life....

It was within a few months that my Professor and I who were friends seemed to become a little distant in our friendship. In fact the whole experience made me realize that it was time to move on. So I decided not to sign up for another course in jewelry at the University.

Soon after, that summer we had gone with our family on vacation and again I had another encounter with one of the beings only this time reminding me that it was not good for me to be where I was working and it was time to leave. I dismissed it, and went on with my family trying to enjoy myself. Not knowing what to expect when we returned home.

After recovering from jet lag form our trip to Italy. I came back to work at the church and something was not right. In fact my life became a living nightmare as I tried to integrate back into my work. Only things were not working out even as I tried to ignore it and continue with what I was doing. Things became so bad that I had to leave my position within the first few weeks of returning.

It was a few months after recovering from that painful split that I realized that what I had been through was not something that just happened. This was an intervention of the Divine. I can tell you now that even through my stubbornness that I can learn. I didn't wait around for the third thing to happen.

Also, now looking back and I am truly grateful for all the amazing friends, family and teachers who picked me up off the floor and helped me move thorough this process. Through it all, I have learned that we are never alone in this world even when we think that we are. There are those who love us and guide us even when we can't see or want to change.

I know to, that God, the Creator has a plan and we are all apart of His plan. I see to that fear and being comfortable in our ways can stop us form making a change. This is something that we as human beings do not like doing but it is amazing to me that when we are not on the path we are supposed to walk that the Divine will intervene and set us straight.

Blessings,
Ana

Rose Colored Glasses

If you have ever worn a pair of rose colored glasses then you know where I am heading in this entry. Unfortunately for me, mine fell off a year ago last February and shattered into a million pieces. I would like to tell you that I was much happier then when I had them but that was not the case. The only difference was, when I didn't want to deal with something I just put them on and things seemed to be just fine.

I am not going to lie to you and tell you that I was happy that they were broken because I spent hours trying to super glue them back together. You seem to only get issued one pair when we come into this life and I had taken very good care of mine. I know that many had lost or broken theirs when 911 happened but mine were still in very good condition.

As I looked around and discovered the things that I didn't want to face were still out there. I started to see and envy others who still had their glasses. Truly this was unjust as I began to notice the things around me that were not what they seemed under the influence of the glasses. Now not only did I have to face the reality of the truth. I had to deal with others who wore their glasses.

Talk about a double whammy. This is like going cold turkey with a major addiction. Fortunately for me, I had a few of my friends and teachers who had gone though this initiation and they were able to pull me out of the fire. For the first five months I thought I was going insane as I had to allow myself to see and experience things around me that I knew were out there but was afraid to see.

I would say that the closest people around me who knew about the loss of the glasses understood the fear that I was experiencing and helped me move through that time in my life. Those who did not, wore their glasses and went though their everyday existence as though nothing had changed.

Now looking back and having survived that whole experience I find that I am more in tune with my life and the world around me. I could even go as far to say that things taste and feel better to me then they did before. I realized to, that breaking my glasses was the best thing that could have happened in my life for now I am really free to experience it the way that we were intended to.

Peace,
Ana

The Wounded Dove

I sometime think that when we are trying to attain goodness we often fail due to the lack of self awareness. It seems to be in our human nature to go off on a rabbit trail, become distracted by somebody or forget what we were trying to do in the first place. I know that when I look at my own life and those around me I see so many of the wounded doves.

I use the term wounded because it seems to fit those of us in life, who are trying to strive for healing and higher wisdom. We learn to that sometimes it takes falling off the pedestal and stumbling though the darkness to discover the light switch. This process is then followed by picking ourselves back up off the floor and dusting ourselves off. It is then as we recheck our wounds and find that maybe higher wisdom is not climbing back up on the pedestal in the first place and especially in the dark.

But for some reason in the human experience we find ourselves back in the same predicament as before only under different circumstances. Yes, I know it is the same record over and over again. Time for a different tune......so we say, as the monotony continues. Insane, you think, as you look upon the situation from the outside.

So what is it in our lives that cause us to fall for the same old trick over and over again? Maybe by living though the monotony of the process that we began to see that we have the power to change the situation. If this is the case then we will move though a rebirth of change and the insanity will cease.

I sometimes wonder how the solution of something can be so simple yet hard to attain. By looking at every angle it seems very logical to stop but the since of familiarity seems to be the thing that sabotages this whole process. Yes, you got it....knowing what is on the other side, seems to win over the fear of doing something different.

This means that by continuing the path of doing it over and over again, we finely somewhere down the road get it. Giving us the opportunity to make that change and move on. The whole trick is to discover the pattern, learn what you can and become conscious so as not to repeat the mistakes.

Namaste,
Ana

Energy Pirates

What is an Energy Pirate you ask? Well, it is someone who steals your energy when you are not looking. "Smile" We as humans know that we carry energy and that sometimes it can feel a little depleted. If we really didn't believe that, then there wouldn't be this large market for energy drinks, energy bars, and vitamins etc.... that we buy into trying to get our energy back.

OK, we know that being tired, bad diet, no exorcise and feeling stressed are just to a name a few of how we lose our energy. But did you know that others can steal your energy? It is true! Have you ever been with someone who after you spent some time with them, you feel like you have to go home and take a nap?

Well, this person whether conscious or unconscious is draining you of your vital essence. They are connecting with you on an energy level by being in your energy field and sucking the life out of you.....Another term you might have heard is Energy Vampire.

The first time I heard of it I thought it was funny, until I remembered someone I used to know and when this person came to visit, right after they left I had to go lie down for a few hours. Don't get me wrong, it was someone in my life that I really liked and I am sure had no idea what was going on. But when they left they felt really good, full of energy and I was drained.

It makes since when you are around people a lot. We all have energy fields that surround our bodies. You can call it what you will but it is there in form and color. The only thing that seems to be worse is, if you are already low on energy and that person comes around. Then you are more susceptible to illness because your energy helps with your immune system.

Please, also know that this works to, the other way around. You can take someone else's energy and not know it. You just have to be aware of what is going on when you are with someone. Most of the time people have no clue that this energy exchange is going on but it is real and can effect how you feel.

Here is something to just think about, is when you are with someone and you both do not feel tired by being together. In fact you both may feel really good and energized by hanging out. This means that the two of you are equal and well balanced in the energy fields and that you are both healthy.

So what does this mean? it means that if someone in your life is draining you of your vital essence you may need to do a self check and see where you might have holes in your energy field. This is not a bad thing but is good to know that you have might have a little self care to take care of. You might also limit your time with someone who is doing that. I doubt telling them that they are doing it will help. It might even insult them, again most people have no clue.

Knowing yourself is the best defense against Energy Pirates. Understanding your limitations and what you need, to care for yourself will help prevent this from happening to you. Also, if you are doing this to someone else it is a good time to check and see why you are doing it.

So I leave you with this...... Being aware of the energy around yourself and the people you are with, will help you make better decisions when you are in certain relationships. Learning what drains you and not pushing it aside will also help you find solutions for feeling good and living a healthier life.

Blessings,
Ana

The Body of the Spirit

I think no matter who we are there is a feeling of wanting to be connected not just to each other but to something much bigger then ourselves as human beings.And if you really look at it, then it seems that since we are conscious of our minds,and body then it is our spirit that we really need to began to understand.

I was in a healing group this past weekend and was listening to the people around me talk. One lady spoke up and said that she felt that there is so much more to healing then just medication. She did state that while she was not against Western medicine and it certainly had it's own place in healing. She felt that people need to know that there are other things that our culture has forgotten about that can be used or along side our Western medicine to help promote healing.

At lunch I had the privilege to talk more about this and in the conversation it came up about the spiritual body. OK, if this is not something you have heard of then you need to know that the spirit like your physical body, has a body or form. It is not made up of muscle, blood or soft tissues but it is made up of different kinds of energy.

Ever hear of the electromagnetic energy field? Well, this type of energy likes to hang out a few inches around your body. It outlines your body and is heavily influenced by what you are thinking or doing. So if you are feeling really bad about someone then it is in that energy field and if you really like someone then it to is also in that field. If you ever come in contact with someone in love and when you are around them you can't help but sense that feeling. You are picking up that energy field...

The next part of the spiritual body because it comes in layers like the physical one. Is the

The Breath of God

I was told that the word for spiritual in Latin means breath. I thought that was kind of funny since that was what first touched me and lead me down a path to find it.

One of the times that I remember being conscious that the breath was tied into something special was when I learned how to knit in my early thirties. A dear friends was over visiting and she was showing me some of her handy work on some afghans that she hand knitted for Christmas gifts for that year.

I decided after she left that I should take a class as it would be an excellent way to make afghans for the children's beds. I found someone in town who taught knitting so I began to learn. The first week I did nothing but practice over and over until I got it right.

It was a few months later as I was working on my second afghan, I noticed that I was holding my breath on certain stitches and letting out on others. I also became aware that the breath followed the same pattern that I was knitting. OK, there are only two stitches when knitting and there are only two when breathing, in and out.

As I became aware, I started to count my blessing in life with the breaths and released my tension as I exhaled. My mind then became occupied with the pattern as it seemed that another part of me counted my blessings with each breath. It was amazing as I started to feel a warmth of love spread over my body as it moved though me and outside of me. The feeling also started to pore and flow into my hands as I worked on each stitch.

I remember that there was a feeling that I was connected to everything and I felt apart of a kind of love that was much bigger than the usual love that we feel for others. This love was in all things, even the things that we as humans don't consider alive. It was huge..........

The only other time in my life that reminds me of that experience was when I was 16 and my Grandmother was in an unhappy mood and what I was doing at the time only seemed to aggravate her more. Don't get me wrong, we were very close but on that day we were both angry at each other and I was on the verge of stomping off when an emotion like a soft breeze swept over me.

I remember it touching my skin and moving not just on the outside but moved though me. The anger was immediately gone and was replaced with this enormous amount of love for her. Only for a few seconds, I could see into her heart and the pain that she carried. The anger that I felt was truly gone and compassion and understanding for my grandmother soaked and saturated my inner being.

I never lost that feeling for her for the rest of my life. What ever happened that day must have been recorded in my soul and my cells because when ever we were on the verge of disagreement, anger was never in the equation when it came to her. People always knew we had a special bond but they never knew how special it really was. I can't ever explain it, but even in the separation of death we are still connected.

I now call it the "Breath of God". I wish it was in all of our relationships and experiences but like everyone else I went though all the trails and tribulations of emotions in the rest of my relationships. You would think I would learn. Only now as I reaccount my memories I am aware that those experiences could have changed my life path had I stayed conscious then.

These experiences of feeling connected later come in short bursts of energy though out the rest of my life but nothing like what I experienced with my grandmother. A year and a half ago after searching for healing, I started to search for the root of this experience and so far the path keeps leading me back to the breath of God.

Ana

Emotional Predator

I was having a wonderful conversation with a very good friend this past week and the term Emotional Predator came up. I had not heard this term before so I asked her what it was. She replied that, "it is someone who preys on others, who are emotionally weak."

Of course this did not quite answer my question and I had to know more. "Well," she said, "people who have had traumatic lives or carry some kind of emotional pain can be considered easy targets for this kind of predator. "

"It is just as you see it on the "Animal Channel" where the predator stalks its prey for some type of personal purpose. They look for the weakest in the people who are around them that are suffering or hurt and they charm their victims into believing that they can meet their needs."

"All of us who have children tell our kids to not talk to stranger or go with someone who has a puppy. But who tells the adults to do the same when a emotional predator is at large? "

"Words in our vocabulary such as Con Artist, Liar, or Deceiver are only a few names that describe this predator. This type of personality preys on the sympathy and the emotional needs of their prey. They are looking for ways to manipulate their victim so that the outcome benefits themselves. The only problem is that the victim believes that they are being loved or helped to find out later that they were being used."

"Sometimes this type of relationship can cause detriment not only to the victim themselves but also it can reach out beyond to others who are influenced by their relationships with the victim. For example, a parent dating a predator will have an effect with the relationship they have with their children, a boss influenced by a co-worker who is a predator or the other way around will effect the work place and the people around. A person in power who takes advantage of their position miss using people as volunteers will hurt all those who are related to the volunteers etc........"

"The point, Ana, that I am making is that you need to be aware of the relationships in your life that are influencing you and your family. If someone is trying to separate the bonds that you have with others or manipulate you to do something you don't want to do, then you are probable in contact with an emotional predator."

I thought about what she had said and knew that I had met a few emotional predators in my life and had just escaped one recently. I realized that we do need to make sure that we are making healthy choices and following our intuition. When we feel something is wrong, something probably is wrong. God gave us that gut feeling not to annoy us but to tell us something.

Even if you don't care about yourself, please think about all the lives that you touch.

Ana

A Fatal Attraction

I think what brings to the mind when we think of "Fatal Attraction" is the movie that coined that phrase. Having someone who is emotional unstable stalking someone who has no desire to be with that person seems to be what we all think of. But there is another type of fatal attraction that we might miss that plays a large part in the human experience.

This type of fatal attraction is apart of the lives for those who carry old wounds and emotional baggage from the past. Here is the deal, very few of us are even conscious that we carry it but go ask family and friends and they seem very aware of it.

Because people are often unaware that they carry this pain which attracts others in the some existence who in tern helps perpetuate the unconscious behavior. Then the relationship takes a spiraling down plunge as it attracts and infects others who come in contact with the dysfunctional behavior.

Have you ever heard of the expression that, "misery loves company"? Now take a relationship with the backgrounds of two different types of painful baggage and you will git a reaction. Either they will feed the needs of being miserable or there will be an explosion. These relationships will find ways to grow with its pain by anger, drama, gossip and fighting which if it gets out of hand can also lead to physical violence.

Relationships in this category include, marriage, family, business, churches, sports, friends, schools, PTA, and many other groups that people come in contact with each other. It is really apart of our society that we pretend that we don't see as it still affects so many in our culture.

I was once told by someone that, "people who are hurt will often hurt others". Why do I tell you this you ask? Because unless we become aware of our own baggage then we will attract or be attracted to situations and others who are semiotic in emotional pain and the cycle will continue.

If you have dark memories of your parents fighting and even if they made up, you have already witnessed as a small child this pain threshold in relationships that feeds on each other. If you become aware of someone you work with, who is always looking for high drama then again you are most likely witnessing another example of someone who searches relationships in need of feeding the pain they carry inside.

Please understand that many are addicted to this high drama and dysfunctional relationships as it fuels the hunger of the painful baggage that is carried by an individual. If you become aware of someone who is displaying this type of behavior then you need to remove or distance yourself form that relationship. Chances are high that, that person has no clue that they are doing that and if you see it in yourself, then you need to work on changing it so that you don't continue to bring pain to yourself and others...

Blessings, Ana

A Recipe for Healing

I was visiting with a friend this past weekend who asked me after coming out of a bad relationship this last summer, why she was still having nightmares. She explained that she had realized that the relationship was abusive and that she knew she needed to get her children and herself out of the situation.

What surprised her the most, was that after months of working on her recovery and coming to terms with the mind games and verbal abuse in her mind, she was still being haunted by nightmares. "I don't understand it," she said, "I know that my decision was right and I have even found a place in my heart to forgive him but the dreams wake me up and I am up for hours." "Can you tell me what I am doing wrong?"

As she was talking to me I was reminded of what my teachers had taught me about balancing the mind, body and soul so I began to explain how we as humans need the balance in our lives for feeling whole.

What I am finding is that when we are dealing with trauma in our lives it can be really hard to let go. It is often hard to forgive others as it is to forgive ourselves for allowing that to happen to us.

You have already done the first step of recovery which is recognizing it for what it was and removing you and your family from the situation. That is the hardest of them all.......So many people will stay in an abusive relationship or environment their whole lives.

Next, is working on balancing yourself in the matters of the mind, body and soul. OK, Let's say for now that your mind understands why you are feeling certain ways about what happened to you. That is a big deal.... Not many people are aware of why they are in pain. This is why they have groups and workshops to help people identify mentally what is happening to them.

But people are still susceptible to relapse and returning to their old ways because they still have to heal in the body and soul. Remember that your body is recording everything in it's "cell memory". This is what causes "old tapes" to be triggered by a conversation, seeing someone or by doing something that would bring it back to the unconscious mind.

OK, here to, the soul also records the experience in the energy that connects the body and soul together. That is why if you get too close to someone that is very intuitive they can read your history. The body and soul must be reunited with the mind in order to allow healing to be affective.

What you are experiencing when you sleep are the "old tapes" that are still recorded in the body and soul that come out of your unconscious. No, nothing is wrong with you. You are just human like the rest of us. The trash is being taken out and the only way the body and soul know how to do it, is to release it when you are asleep and the conscious mind is off.

Of course this is disturbing but it is only a signal form that part of you telling you that you still have to deal with something. You still have work to do......
OK, with that in mind you have to now decide what will help you bring yourself back into balance.

An Example..... would be of someone who is sexually abused may have gained a lot of weight for protection so that by losing the weight they are consciously changing something that they may associate themselves with the trauma. They are learning to reprogram themselves from victim to someone who in in charge of their bodies.... they might also take a martial arts class to bring back personal power in protecting themselves. Diet, exorcise, or any kind of body work helps bring the body back into balance and by being conscious will help connect the change to the soul and mind .

Last is the soul and this is discovering what is inside. It is learning what you are all about. No one can tell you. You have to do the work because it is so personal.

Now, think about this.... The reason that we are attracted to some relationships that the dynamics are dysfunctional is because we need to work out something on the soul level. Often these relationships attracts us because we carried something over from our past or childhood that we still need to work out. We will continue to have this pattern until we change it.

Work of the soul is learning how to listen to yourself and to the Creator for guidance. It can be through learning how to do meditation, energy work, prayer, sound healing or even expressing yourself through art and color etc.... But it is all about learning to connect to the soul and finding where your roots began and end.

So what it boils down to, is that even after counseling or classes that educate on the cause. There is still work to do on the body and soul of bringing the self back together as a whole.

We as human beings are such amazing beings that are so complexed yet each one of us are designed in our own unique way. We just need to remember that what happens to us in life and how we learn to work on healing ourselves allows us to reach out to others.

Blessings, Ana

Contradictions of the Heart

I don't know if you have ever noticed but our words and actions will often betray the secrets of our own hearts. I call this a contradiction of the heart.

One of my teachers brought this to our attention at a class one day. He mentioned that we often betray ourselves by saying one thing and our body language says another. For example, if someone is telling you, yes they did something but their head is shaking from side to side as in no, chances are they are not telling you all the facts.

As I became more aware of this, I realized that we all seem to have this little habit. I also started to listen to the words that were coming out of my own mouth. You may think this is funny because we believe we are all in control of our words but often when we are speaking, our own words will betray our true feelings. Then the phrases that follow are, Oh I was only kidding, or I never meant to say that become part of our language.

What I have found is that when people are unconscious they speak from their hearts and when they realize that they have just shared something to personal they change their point, influenced by some sort of fear they carry. This presents its self as a duel personality. Split by wanting to do something but for some reason not following pursuit.

So what does all this mean? An unbalance in the soul, mind and body. As you become familiar with your own words and actions, you begin to see it so clearly when you listen to yourself and others as we move in and out of consciousness.

Emotions, longings, missed opportunities and regrets start to show up in our speech and actions. Others around you often pick up what you hide from yourself and are afraid to see or face.......

This reminds me of the story of the, "The Emperor and the New Clothes". Everyone around the Emperor knows that he is nude but no one will say it including the Emperor himself...... Who is the only one who can change the whole situation.

I am not saying run out and tell people that they are wrong. All I am saying is that by being aware of what our own actions and words are trying telling us, we are given the keys of understanding what is inside our souls. For it is all about tunning into ourselves that we can start to balance ourselves again.

Blessings, Ana

The Path of Silence

As I was sitting in a mandatory meeting one day, a thought formed in my head as I realized just how big the Creator of the universe really was. The thought was sparked by the discussion in the room about people and the politics that were going on.

I remember thinking of a conversation I had awhile ago with a dear friend who I visited as she was recovering from an illness. The first thing out of her mouth when she saw me was, "What happened to you?" " You look sick!" "I am fine", I said, as huge tears rolled off my cheek.

"Ana, you can't fool me, I see that the color around you has turned a pale gray which is cloudy and your eyes tell me you are struggling with yourself inside." " What's up?" This was not my intention at all, I had come to cheer her up but I could see by her expression that I wasn't getting off the hook that easy.

I told her that I had taken my job because I wanted to help people but instead found the ugly politics of religion. What was worse, I found that I was starting to lose myself in it. I was changing into someone that I didn't like.

She stared into space for a moment and then she spoke. "Ana, what you are searching for is not only found in the four walls of the church that you work in." The energy of life and creation of the Creator is found in all things in this world and beyond."

"You are limiting your faith and yourself by looking though a magnifying glass.
Put it down and look around you." "By closing yourself off to this one part of your life, you are trying to fit it all in a box." "Politics happen when there is fear and the resources are short." "Look beyond yourself and the box that you have closed yourself in."

I looked in her large green emerald eyes as they smiled back at me and I asked for a hug. "Thank you," I said, "I have much to think about." I could tell that she was getting tired so I said my goodbye and left.

I wish I could tell you that I was smart enough to take her advise to remove myself form that position, but I wasn't. It was a year and a half later that you could say that, "I began to see the light."

As I sat there at the meeting on that day, her words drifted though my head. I realized that I was miserable and felt caught inside the politics of what others outside the room had no clue of. It was time to see what else was beyond the four walls that I had now limited myself to. My friend had assured me on that day that the resources were out there. It was time to make a move.

Looking back I think of how many of us are unhappy in our lives but are afraid to change things, thinking that if we do, it might be worse than what we are doing now. So we stay and fight others who are in that same frame of mind for recourses that are really abundant to all of us.

I am not saying that change is all physical because it is even more effective when it occurs inside, as we see ourselves in others. But sometimes it takes the action of stepping back and removing ourselves from a situation so we can see the habit or dependence of a situation that creates chaos in our lives.

Seeing now, with different eyes I have discovered that my experience was rich in teaching me about myself and my own behaviors. I have discovered my weakness and my strengths as I am beginning to understand the possibilities of falling. As I continue on my path in life, I have discovered the recourses are truly abundant.

Namaste,
Ana

Healing Reciepe

True healing only happens within ourselves as we discover that we have the power to change. I must admit that for years I never understood this but as I grow older I am aware that I am the one who holds myself captive. It is though balancing our lives again that the healing of self can really begin.

Remember that phrase "Free will", well, it is all up to us. I am not saying that we don't need the help of the Creator but it is our agreement to change that moves the blocks in our lives.

If we can remember in our too busy lives just how complex we are as human beings then we might take a little time to understand that healing is a balance of the body, mind and soul that connects us all. As we were created in the image of God we should celebrate just how special we are.

Of course healing is really a verb which is action word. It means just that, that we take action in our own lives and if we can not then we ask for help either form the divine or someone else.

I would like to talk a little about our bodies.....which I just find fascinating in of themselves. The whole antoymaity and chemistry alone make it a wonder. The care of our bodies is as you have heard all of your lives so important that I wont lecture.

We need to eat, excersize and love ourselves in the physical sense. By doing that without comparison and judgments of others we move into a healthier state of being.

Soul Sickness

I am finding that my own experiences plays a big part of my learning and without all the bumps and bruises, I would never understand the full meaning of my own life.

I say this because one of my dearest friends invited me over for lunch the other day and I brought up my feelings about the new Healing group that we were in. I was comparing the groups ability to work with each other to the one that I had left in my previous work position.

"I don't understand it," I said," we all had the same goals yet we were all in such misery," I could see by her silence and her expression she was thinking on how to explain something. Then she asked me why I left......

"Oh, that was easy," as I gave her a metaphor....... "It was like I was standing in a courtyard with the other people and we were all looking at our shoes the whole time. And I was happy until one day I looked up and saw that there was a world out there other than our shoes. "

"I looked around but there seemed to be only a few of us looking up. I tried to put my head down and look at my shoes again but was very discontented with this activity so I started to talk about what I saw only making the others uncomfortable. I found myself becoming angry because I was making myself conform to what the others were doing but knowing in my heart that I wanted to look up and see."

"Talk about splitting in two." "I guess this is what you call, soul sickness." "Good", she said, "That means that when you looked up you started to be aware." "What happened next?" "Besides making myself and everyone around me miserable?," I said. "I left and tried to be alone which didn't last long, so that is why I am in this group."

"Let me explain something," she said, "which may help." There are different forms of consciousness and I know of three them." "They are mass, individual and group." "You will find that all three play into a big part of our learning."

"You ever hear of Mass Hysteria?" "You see, it is a very primitive form of human consciousness. In this state people are only influenced by what the whole mass is doing. If the mass is in a panic then everyone is in a panic and so on. Basically it boils down to is that the individual is not understood as it is a consciousness with only conformity. "

"Now the Individual Conscious occurs when the person discovers they are different and want to be separate from the Mass. Only this can cause problems as we were made and connected to each other. Ever hear of Hermits or Loners? By being in this state you disconnect with all your relations and the people who love you."

"The last is the Group Consciousness and this seems to be what you are referring to as the Healing group. And that is that we all seek the same goal but celebrate what each brings to the table as an individual. There is no form of competition because we all agree that everyone has a different view and a right to say what is on their hearts. We are all teachers as we are all students."

"As far as the group staying that way, is really up to the members. Only time will tell..." I finished my lunch and thanked her as I ran out the door to my next appointment. The drive was long but beautiful as I was thankful for all the people that God had brought into my life.

Blessings,
Ana

Conversations with the Heart

There are times in our lives when memories come up that are still attached to emotions that we carry in our hearts. You can often see this on the faces of others when they are recalling a story in their past. Emotions such as love, pain, anger and fear are the strongest when this appears.

I remember one time when I was taking art classes in college. I was walking though a different part of the art department and I caught the smell of oil paint which took me completely off guard. It was like being tackled in a football game that knocks the wind out of you. For a few seconds I was knocked out of myself and transported back to a childhood memory of running around my father's studio.

There was no sense of control for I was moved out of one state of being into another for only a few seconds with a single smell. A whole movie played in my head and the emotions of love and contentment filled me up. As I stood there blinking and getting my bearings I began to miss my dad. I was in my early 20's when this happened.

It was much later, as I began to mature that this one experience allowed me to see how strong a past memory can be and how it can effect our lives in healing. You may be familiar with the term "Old Tapes" which I know is used to describe old memories that somehow effect our lives.

Most of the time it is in reference to a behavior that we have been conditioned to form our past. Often it can be triggered by something and the emotions attached can be very strong. The clearest examples are people who have been in wars or suffered some sort of trauma. But these experiences are not unique to only a few. We as human beings share this and I guess you can say, it is what makes us all very human.

Understanding who we are inside and what are our triggers, are really the first steps in changing our lives. Now remember that the experience I shared was strong but it was positive, so know that a negative experience can be almost devastating if it comes in with that amount of strength.

It is important to be conscious that all of us are different in how we experience things in life. Know to that if you have not suffered something as traumatic as war, your body may record an experience with the same amount of painful emotions as someone who did. It is how the Creator made you as a unique individual.

One person can walk away form something and not be affected where as another person may fall apart. It is all how we perceive things. We can't judge ourselves or others by comparison.

Please understand to, that by growing up in the art world I might see things a little differently. So one of the things I started to notice was the wonderful symbols that surround our lives. Thank about it, we have art, writing, people, clothes, companies and products just to name a few. Symbols are all around us. All of these things in our lives represent some sort of personal status that we attach to them. Whether we are conscious or unconscious we believe in these things.

All of this reminded me of a movie I saw as a young adult, as the kid in the movie was chasing Vampires and holds up a cross. The line that gets me is the Vampire looks at the kid and says, " It wont work" the kid says, "why not", and the Vampire says "because you don't believe." Wow, I realized then, that it is though our faith of what these symbols represent to us, that give them power.

Wondering where I am going..... here is the thought. When these experiences in life pop up unexpectedly you can use a symbol that you believe in. An example can be the cross or whatever you believe in to stand between you and the memory. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you believe. This is personal and between you and the Creator.

Once you place the symbol of your choice in the gap, then try to remember that what you are experiencing is only a memory and you are safe. All the emotions and images that are attached to it are on the other side of your symbol. It is by being conscious of that, you can decide to examine the situation with or without emotions or ask for it to leave when you are ready. You are taking back your control with these conversations of the heart.

Traumatic memories keep coming up because the experience is unfinished business recorded in your heart which can be triggered by something around you. The symbol is only a tool to fill in the gap to help you revisit it when you are ready.

A professional Councilor or Psychologist can help to, if you need assistance. You just have to ask. The biggest part about healing is knowing that it all begins within you.

Blessings,
Ana